Nobody Expects the Spanish inquisition especially Vikings
by MAD Marty
Summary: just a short one shot of mixing Rtte with the Spanish Inquisition skit of Monty python not very good just written for the laughs. R&R


**Ok so i just had this idea for this story, it's really stupid i know but i was like screw it and Just do it. So this my Httyd take on the Spanish Inquisition Scenes from Monty Python and The Flying Circus. This is set in Rtte time.**

It had been a pleasant day on The Edge Hiccup and Astrid were chilling on their dragons talking.

"This is really nice Hiccup" Said Astrid in a sigh "Yeah it is but i think it's time to get some lunch don't you agree Milady?"Hiccup asked "Yeah I'm StARVING!"Astrid said as her tummy grumbled.

They raced back to The edge, then the clubhouse where they found heather beginning to cook her famous {To the riders at least} Lamb chops. "Heather you must tell me how to make these delicious lamb chops" Hiccup said expectantly. "Uh ah no can do they are a family recipe i cannot tell"Heather replied. "Oh come on Heather where all like family here aye Please?" Hiccup asked again earning her a shake of her head as her answer. Please Please Heather Heather HEather HEATHER PLease PleASe PlZzzz" Hiccup insisted. "Oh Gods Hiccup! OK I will teach you, by the gods i wasn't Expecting The Spanish inquisition"

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang]

 **Ximinez:** NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

 **Heather:** I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals burst in]

 **Ximinez:** NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!  
[To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it.  
 **Biggles:** What?  
 **Ximinez:** You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'  
 **Biggles:** [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that...

[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]

 **Heather:** I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

 **Biggles:** Er... Nobody...um...  
 **Ximinez:** Expects...  
 **Biggles:** Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...  
 **Ximinez:** Inquisition.  
 **Biggles:** I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -  
 **Ximinez:** Our chief weapons are...  
 **Biggles:** Our chief weapons are...um...er...  
 **Ximinez:** Surprise...  
 **Biggles:** Surprise and -  
 **Ximinez:** Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.  
 **Fang:** You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the-'  
 **Biggles:** That's enough.  
[To Heather] Now, how do you plead?  
 **Heather:** We're innocent.  
 **Ximinez:** Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

 **Biggles:** We'll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

 **Ximinez:** Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal - the rack!

[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

 **Ximinez:** You...Right! Tie her down.

[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie Heather on to the drying rack]

 **Ximinez:** Right! How do you plead?  
 **Heather:** Innocent.  
 **Ximinez:** Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.

[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

 **Biggles:** I...  
 **Ximinez:** [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.  
 **Biggles:** I...  
 **Ximinez:** It makes it all seem so stupid.  
 **Biggles:** Shall I...?  
 **Ximinez:** No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]

Astrid had enough of the stupidity and whacks the three men out with her axe. Astrid looked at Hiccup and Said with a shrug "What i had enough of the Spanish Inquisition!" Astrid replied. Hiccup turned to Heather "well then Heather you can keep you're recipe."

 **Ok and i know that was horrible but i think it was funny so if you want to see the second half of the skit just review and i write the second half *Cough cough copy paste script cough cough* Sorry got a cold well then thx for sitting through this ridiculous fic so yeah.**


End file.
